As Breast Awareness month 2008 has just passed and  I am scheduled for a double mastectomy on 13th November, it seemed rather appropriate to post some news, experiences and thoughts on the subject to keep anyone interested up to date and hopefully pass on a positive perspective on the subject.

Rather than beginning with my medical history and anecdotes on experiences, I now know that what I really want to do is  to examin the 'upside' of having breast cancer. What ? you may well ask; 'is she mad?' Well possibly but I can assure you it is a far better to examin what you are experiencing for gifts and benefits than to do anything else. Trust me, good things can be found in abundance. I am a very positive person so don't expect me to dwell on the negative. How inspirational would that be?

WHAT FUN! NO MORE SWEATY ARMPITS FOR ME. That's right; since having a lumpectomy in 2005 my left armpit has not perspired and the same is true for the right side since a more recent lumpectomy a couple of months ago. I must be releasing the perspiration from somewhere but wherever that is, it certainly does not have the unmistakeable characteristics of  armpit. No more agonising for me concerning the chemical makeup of deoderants and whether to use antiperspirants or put up with soggy armpits.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO FOCUS ON ME AND TIME TO FIND WAYS TO HEAL. As well as my Healing Hands and Light Fantastic work, I regularly work four days a week as an Internal Verifier for care NVQ's with Q Training. They have been totally supportive, enabling me to take the time to heal, first, from two lumpectomies and then, as these did not quite work as anticipated, all through the wait for my operation which is on 13th  November. This is rather longer than originally expected but I am confident that it is planned for exactly the best day. A full moon and the beginning of winter can be seen to be supporting completions and new beginnings and I am sure, all kinds of other positive things. This time away from work has been very good for learning about myself and seeking out ways to heal by becoming more balanced , grounded and engaging more with each moment instead of thinking too much about what is to come and what has been. I suppose you could say it's about being able to 'walk the talk'. In other words you have to show you can do it yourself before you can really help others to achieve the same thing.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO EXPERIENCE LOVE. I have always felt loved by those close to me but tended to hold back and take quite a long time to develop true friendships. I think that having cancer has acted as a catylist for change in my life which has provoked me into meeting more people and learning how illness can manifest even when we think we are doing the right things to stay healthy. Being healthy is about how we treat ourselves and everything around us on all kinds of subtle levels, not just the physical. I know that I have been increasingly conscious about the thoughts, feelings and intentions I send out into the world over recent years and have found the truth in the saying that, the world around us reflects our inner selves back  to us like a mirror'. If you only see the good, the good is what you experience.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL SAFE. I am testing a theory that sees much of our anxiety as a feeling of being unsafe. You can disagree, that's fine but this week (Things have moved on and it is the Monday before my operation) I am finding that in my case it is currently very helpful to keep asking myself, 'do I feel safe?' Strangely so far  the answer is  'yes'.  It seems to bring me back to the moment and in this moment sitting in front of my computer, resting in bed or whatever it is, it is very good indeed to acknowledge to myself that I feel safe. Try it. I am not sure what I will do if the answer is 'no' but in that event I think I would go and meditate, pray or practice some Emotional Freedom Technique.

LEARNING TO CHANGE PERSPECTIVES CAN TURN THE TIDE OF 'NOT OK' TO 'OK' .I have had a lot of time to notice what is going on in my thoughts and how that can be bad for me or good for me. It would be quite possible to go to a very dark place of impending loss and doom. I don't live there and refuse to step in that direction. I am very hormonic at the moment and have decided to take prescribed pills three time daily to ensure I do not have a period to deal with on the day of the op'. This does take me to a place where I am emotionally ready to cry at anything. Like many I felt an emotional swell of the heart as America won her new president and mother earth smiled, ('Obama ran so we can fly...boo hoo, I love that). The point I am stumbling towards is that tears of joy are preferable to tears of sadness most of the time. I am learning how to shift from a 'poor me' thought which might pop up as I feel tired from the effort of preparing to leave the home in good order, food in the freezer and Christmas preparations far enough forward so I can have a free run to December. A shift of focus  can be like switching on a light. I dare to move to a  thought of such possitive magnitude that it could potentially pop my socks off!. Yes I dare to say that I think I am the luckiest person I know! I am lucky to have positive perspectives on life that I truly believe. I believe there is no loss, only blessings. If we can just take the wider view from time to time , step out of our personality and look from above where there may be new and amazing perspectives to be found. How about, 'we should be grateful for our life's lessons, they are why we came here in the first place and move our consciousness to a new level as we gain insights'. Or if you don't fancy that, how about, 'This is a very interesting situation. I am learning all the time and so is everyone around me. Perhaps it could be an opportunity to inject some joy into a situation that typically tends to be short on that. Lets give it a go!'

26th November- Just a short note to say that I am doing well. The operation took place on 13th November and I came home on the 19th. This picture was taken today after my first trip out. I am able to wear a bra from today. Tummy is a bit tight but I am standing pretty upright. The new breasts are settling down well, reconstructed from tummy tissue. It is quite amazing and will eventually allow for plunging necklines if any take my fancy, as there are few scars and none in that area. I now need to build stamina and get plenty of rest. Tomorrow I am going to investigate the possibilities of a hyperbaric chamber which is able to provide additional oxygen, beneficial for wound healing. This evening Maggie Flint is bringing her fantastic E-Lybra  (Bio Resonance) machine to aid healing right down to a cellular level

MARCH 2009 . UPDATE. I am doing well . Everything seems to be healing. Even my tummy button is looking paler. The tummy scar is, I am told going to be healing for around two years. It twinges and itches sometimes and needs cumfy clothes by 8 or 9pm but is OK. The new 'mounds' look good in clothes. The are not quite the same and will need tatooing a beige colour in a few months but are not causing any concern. The E Lybra machine confirmed that cancer markers are not currently present although there is a lot of healing going on at the level of chromosomes and indeed every level. As it took a long time to be unwell it can hardly be fixed in a day.

I had to get a size 12 jeans and belt all the others as my new tummy does not seem to hold them up well at all.

THE NEW TEMPLATE.  On a different perspective I am seeing my new body as a new template: the old having been stripped away and the new me stepping forward into the future. It is essential for me to fully accept this new body and move forward avoiding backward looks and dissatisfaction as they would almost certainly hold me back in health and energy.

Everyone needs to decide their own healing path but I must mention a few things I am finding useful. True Colloidal Silver,  you could look on www.ukcolloidalsilver.co.uk     Salvestrols , you could look on www.naturesdefence.com      B17 Apricot Kernals www.kernelpoweruk.com  I have to remind the reader at this point that only you can decide any course of action so listen very carefully to what your doctors have to offer. Do your homework or enlist someone close to do it for you, remembering it is still your body and you decide.

It can be helpful to see a kenesiologist with any vitamins or supplements you are already taking and a list of those you are thinking of taking. They have a natty way of getting your personality self out of the way and asking your body directly what it needs. Not for everyone, but I certainly find it helpful and it actually saved money as there were several items not needed.

May 2009-gradually improving, still taking the supplements although slightly less needed now. I have bought a cross trainer to gradually work on stamina levels. I can already see a difference-not impressive for some but considering I could not even do a minute initially without experiencing total exhaustion, I can now manage two or three minutes and improving each time. I really felt the need for more stamina was the main thing holding me back, so now it's onwards and upwards. No indication of any cancer markers on the E-Lybra machine so I am doing fine. I shall be going to one of Maggie Flint's 'A Healthy Balance' workshops to remind me of what good vegetarian cookery is really all about- it is at Norwich City College 6-10pm pn June 1st 2009 ( ring 01603 619977 for information).